Goleman, The Emotionally Intelligent Leader (HBR)

Why does emotional intelligence (EI) matter in today’s technological world?

Why does a business school like Harvard Business School talk about EI? Numerous studies have concluded that IQ and cognitive skills are not enough for meaningful success and development. EI, once considered merely a nice-to-have in business, has now proven to be a need-to-have.

In The Emotionally Intelligent Leader, Goleman argues, “It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but mainly as ‘threshold capabilities’; that is, they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions. But my research, along with other recent studies, clearly shows that emotional intelligence is the sine qua non of leadership.”

What surprises me is the research suggesting that EI is twice as important as IQ for jobs at all levels. This may become even more apparent as AI increasingly replaces human cognitive capabilities and skills, potentially devaluing human IQ and knowledge. In the future, AI might even develop and demonstrate better (artificial) EI than humans. Meanwhile, we can strive to develop EI not only because it contributes to success, but also because it is deeply human and because we are called to become better versions of ourselves.

Before we move on, let me add a disclaimer: Is EI only for business leaders? It is for all of us. Our life on earth is inherently social; it is part of the social fabric—no one is an island. We are always working with others.

Tolkien highlights the value of friendship and collaboration. In The Lord of the Rings, great things become possible through the Fellowship of the Ring—a group of ordinary people who achieve extraordinary things through unwavering friendship, sacrifice, and understanding of others and themselves.

We also need to understand that we are all leaders in one way or another—leaders at work, at home, and leaders of ourselves. Through the thick and thin of life, we must learn to pull ourselves together amid a wide range of emotions and internal turmoil, and lead our lives purposefully and consistently.

Here are five aspects of EI through which we can reflect on our lives and consider practical applications.

Self-awareness

EI begins with Delphic wisdom—self-awareness. How well do you recognize and understand your moods, emotions, drives, strengths, and weaknesses?

Being true to yourself helps you become neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful, but instead remain confident and know when to ask for help. This is how we play to our strengths and achieve amazing things. And this self-confidence allows us to welcome constructive feedback and critique.

Can you talk about your own failures with humor and a smile? Do you comfortably acknowledge your limitations and weaknesses? Remember, Socrates was recognized by Delphi as the wisest man when he acknowledged his ignorance. Truth will set you free.

Self-regulation

Goleman defines self-regulation as the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. We cannot eliminate biological impulses and the emotions that accompany them, but we can do much to manage them.

Do you remember the disastrous consequences of moments when you failed to control yourself? I’ve had my fair share of trouble and regret. Never again!

For a successful career and life, not doing certain things is as important as doing many things: avoid self-sabotaging behaviors, rage, addiction, gossip, FOMO—you name it.

In life and career, ups and downs are inevitable, and frustration and disappointment are bound to arise. In the long run of life journey, conscious and consistent self-regulation is indeed a sine qua non. No matter what befalls us, choose to show up and stand tall with your head held high.

Motivation

When we are motivated not by external rewards, but by a deeply rooted desire to achieve something we value, we become strong and steady. Together with self-regulation, motivation helps us overcome the frustration and discouragement that come after setbacks or failure.

The strong may not last; those who last are strong.

Meaningful success and fruition come through endurance and consistency. To develop your EI, refine and nurture your inner motivation. In turn, it will anchor your EI.

Empathy

In a nutshell, empathy means understanding other people’s emotional makeup. Healthy empathy is not about pleasing everybody, but about thoughtfully considering others’ feelings and life circumstances so that we can make intelligent and fair decisions.

Have you grown frustrated or disappointed lately with someone—your co-worker, family member, spouse, friend, or even yourself? As we live and work together, our plans and expectations often go south.

With patience and kindness, breathe in and out; with empathy, try to put yourself in their shoes. This is not unguided compromise, but strategic grace and flexibility. It is about trust, authenticity, and genuine collaboration.

Social Skill

Social skill is the ability to build rapport with others and move them in desired directions. Nothing great is easily achieved alone. We need to work with others, and social skill makes that possible.

Recently I came across a great concept—the potential of absence—one aspect of which is that absence highlights value. Today social interaction is increasingly eclipsed, and this may worsen. That growing absence may highlight even more the value of social skill.

Increase your value.

Working with people can be messy and slow, but it can bring far greater success and satisfaction. More importantly, it is more human, more joyful, and more meaningful.